Sunday, 13 October 2013

32. Confessions of a part-time waiter

It's been a solid six months since my last update. To be fair, I've been a pretty busy guy. I've been overseas, had a baby, on top of my two jobs, gym training and cooking. I've also been cultivating an unhealthy obsession with Nigella Lawson and custard. I can only hope that they will interconnect one day. (marry me Nigella)

Anyway, onto tonight's post. We're going to breeze over some tips when you're out and about.

1) Always book: If you know you're going out for dinner on Saturday night, book it. The last thing you want to do is running around finding a table. You'll probably end up settling for a shit hole. This particularly applies if you're a big group.

2) Show up on time: If you're running late, call and let them know. It's common courtesy, similar to a job interview or dental appointment. Remember, reserving a table is a favour extended to you. Other business is being turned away in favour of you.

Just like you expect the table to be ready when you arrive, it's expected you arrive at the agreed time.

3) Don't be a dick: Goes without saying. Being a dick to a waiter to impress your date/mates accomplishes nothing. Everyone in the establishment will think you're a dick, and will act accordingly.

4) Read the menu before you sit down: Before you sit down at a table, read the menu outside. That way, if you don't like it - you don't have to deal with the awkward situation of occupying a table only to leave.

5) Don't order off the menu: It's ok to ask, but don't act disappointed because you can't get a BBQ meatlovers pizza at a Thai resturant. If you're allergic to something, fair enough, but don't go changing half of the ingredients in a dish just because you don't like them.

6) Chips don't count as dinner: If you're taking a girl out to dinner, don't ever order chips as your food.  Are you seven years old?

7) If we're full - we're full: If you're told the establishment is full, it means we're full or booked out. Don't look into the restaurant, point at a table and say 'What about that one?'. We'll just tell you we're full again. Maybe you should have made a booking.

There's just so many others, but that's all I could think of. Hopefully I'll have some more stuff next Sunday.

I don't want to promise anything, but let's see how it goes.



  1. It isn't likely you are important enough to click at them either - just putting it out there.

  2. Urgh, clicking is just so rude. It's only happened once or twice in the last year for me..but both times I went over and told them that it's not cool. Good pickup !